I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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