I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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