Redeem this text for a blowjob
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
