C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
whose parrot is this?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
