he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
