I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize