I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
