You smell like a Billy Joel song
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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