he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
