He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
