The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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