at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
