Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
