If that was your dad, he is hot
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize