would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
