He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
