it's too hot outside to masturbate.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
