the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
