Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
