In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
