I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
