38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize