the condom got lost in my hair
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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