Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
