Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
