Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize