How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
