at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
