I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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