I'm so fucking centered right now
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
