if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
