Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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