I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
