New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
