when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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