Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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