Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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