call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
