Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
