It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
