White coat. Heels.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
