reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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