And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
