I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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