Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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