Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I AM VODKA MAN
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
