Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
