Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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