Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
