ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize