if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
