Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
