Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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