I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
