Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
