Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
