OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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