you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize