So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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