Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He has the fingertips of a God
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