I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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