I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
