so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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