is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
