K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
