No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
