I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
