This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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