She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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