I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
