There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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