i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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