is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize