I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
