All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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