I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
