Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
