There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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