can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
