I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
