The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
