I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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