Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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