we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize