i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
