What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
