belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
