Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
