actually, I'm a sock model
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
