I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to make out with him forever
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
