Me too!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
