she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
