It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
