Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
