The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize