Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
