Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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