I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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