My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
