On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize