My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
