dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
