you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone shattered a urinal.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
