It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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