You're earring is so big in my mouth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
